Dream, Believe, Achieve

Went to school today after missing almost 2 weeks of school.
My principal saw my swollen face and saw me all drugged up because of medicines and got mad and immediately sent me back home.
I couldn’t help but go to school because I was worried about my make up works and the tests I missed while I was gone. I have no idea what is going on in my classes so I would fail my tests and also I need to take every exams because of my absences which makes it worse. This is such a bad timing for me to get hurt, so much consequences I need to face. 
My principal told me I would need to go to Saturday school next week to have 1 on 1 tutoring with my teaches and make up all my tests then.
This is so not fair for me…I’ve been literally lying on my bed for almost 2 weeks, all drugged up and I had to deal with rashes, allergic reactions, inflammations, swollen face and now this stupid school work. I am a freaking senior, give me a break. I am tired physically and emotionally and I seriously don’t think I can get through this. There is pain after pain. Whenever something gets better, other things come up. When is this misery going to end? What if I fail those tests and I end up not graduating? I am scared. I don’t have that mentality to study for any tests right now and I can barely sit on a chair for 5 minutes. I am tired…I am tired..I think I am starting to see my limit………I just can’t handle all these things at once. Nothing seems to work in my ways, my love life, my school life, my health, my spiritual life, just nothing. 

I am exhausted.

Listen to me.
Pain is temporary.
It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year.
But eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.
If I quit however, it will last forever.
You’re all spoiled.
Some of you are spoiled.
It’s just bottom line, your parents have done everything for you.
You never had to do nothing for yourself.
You’re spoiled.
We’re gonna keep it real tonight.
Some of you are spoiled brats.
Every time you ever got in trouble, somebody in your house got you out of it.
Every time you’ve done something you’re not supposed to do, people say, “Eric, your mother is a tyrant.”
You’re right!
She kicked me out.
You’re right!
She’s mean, but she developed a man.
Because she put me out there and said, “You’re gonna have to grow up!”
And some of you have never learned to grow up.
And so every time something get hard, you quit, you call momma.
I dare you to take a little pain.
I dare you.
I dare you not to go home.
Somebody said, “I’m gotta go home, I feel bad.”
Go through it.
You are not going to die.
At the end of pain is success.
You’re not going to die because you feel a little pain.
I’m not eating like I eat at home.
That’s why you’re about to go to the next level, because if you keep eating like you eat at home,…
…you’ll keep being a boy or a girl.
It’s time to become man, woman.
But I’m exactly where I want to be, because I realize I got to commit my very being to this thing.
I gotta breathe it, I gotta eat it, I gotta sleep it.
And until you get there, you’ll never be successful in life.
But once you get there, I guarantee you the world is yours.
So, work hard and you can have whatever it is you want.

Mixed feelings

Ambivalent

I believe people are born with an invisible red string tied to their pinky finger. The end of that string is tied to the person one is destined to be with  but with the complication of external push and pull, it’s difficult to get to the end. If truly the fate of the red strings exists, then who is tied to the end of my string?

Future dreams, that eventually means what you will do for living. 
You will become an adult soon, but if you waste your time and money for an empty dream, then who would take responsibility for that? 
That’s why people need to be satisfied by the dreams which are near you. 
Even if you cover some far-away dreams, it just makes you upset and sad. 
A passion without answers…that’s only heartbreaking.
That’s why people say the stupidest thing in the world is an unrequited love. Rather than meeting someone I like, if you meet a person who likes me, you wouldn’t have to be heartbroken, or waste your time. Rather than doing what you want to do, let’s try to find something you’ll be able to do.

Please pull me out from this misery God.
As I call you every day, every second, I believe you will come to rescue me because your love never fails.

너의 그걸 한달동안 안본걸 오늘 형아꺼로 봤다.
심장이 이렇게 떨릴줄을 몰랐다. 
무서웠다 너무
혹시..설마…..다행이 아무겄도 없었다
괜히 체크했다….마음만 떨리고 나한테 도움을 안준다
이러면 안돼는데

이러면 정말 안돼는데..

God, I beg you that when I have surgery, my meniscus will not be removed. I remember doctors telling me if my meniscus is not repairable then they would have to remove the whole meniscus. I was looking up the effects of removing meniscus..and all of them..I mean ALL of them are bad..
I would get osteoarthritis as I get older and my knee would eventually worsen to the point I would have to get a whole knee replacement. This is actually scaring me, an injury I thought it would never be this serious, might end up ruining my whole life. I want to be active, I want to keep playing sports…I am getting really afraid now..maybe I should stop searching stuffs on Internet and be optimistic. You will be with me through this surgery, right God? 

I know at least one of us is going to regret but this is life.